Alter-Native Lifestyle

"Words - a speech sound, or series of such sounds, having meaning as a unit of language, the written or printed representation of this" Simply put words are the things we use to describe thoughts, feelings and the intentions behind sharing those thoughts.

The boy has a dark complexion. That boy's complexion is so dark.

Words frame our thoughts.

This in mind the term alternative lifestyle rested in my SUPERconscious this morning. As i lay there my mind repeated the word alternative over and over again in my head until it naturally broke it down into:

Alter and Native.

Alternative Lifestyle, this is the politically correct way to refer to the LGBT community and the way we lead our lives right? Or at least that is what we're taught.

Native

Seems harmless, I mean to honor the first dwellers of America we call them Native Americans instead of the offensive term indians.

But take the term native, meaning natural, unchanged... and alter meaning to change...hmmm

Embracing the term alternative lifestyle would be embracing that who I am is not natural, that I wasn't born this way, that I somehow am corrupt or have made a decision to live my life in a way that goes against the person I was created to be.

We have to be aware to the titles that we take one, more importantly our word choices. Who determines what is natural? How have we the LGBTQA community become so comfortable with the demeaning term Alternative Lifestyle?

The only way i would embrace the term alternative lifestyle is if I one day decided to date women....just saying thats the only alternate to my natural state of being.

Disease not symptoms

Recently Oprah has again taken on the issues of DL men and the reckless behavior that SOMETIMES come along with their lifestyle. Unfortunately while Ms. Winfrey's intentions MAY have been good she failed to report on the entire issue.

Its easy to believe that DL men, in particular DL black men, are insensitive thoughtless men who can't be "men" enough to admit who they really are. But that would be looking at the surface of the issue. You have to question what would make a man be DL, what would make them choose to take a wife and a male lover. A DL man in my opinion is one that knows of his attraction to males but can't embrace it openly or quietly, he feels he must live a heterosexual lifestyle to keep their image acceptable by those around them.

I know you might be thinking well why can't they just embrace who they are the way you have Chadd...

WELL....

I haven't always been comfortable with who I am, being raised in the black community where being gay isnt embraced I drilled with the concept that being gay was disgusting, that it made you less than worthy of love and that the family I loved would have nothing to do with a homosexual family member.

I specifically remember being told things like

"Go play with the boys, you don't want to be a punk."

"I won't have no faggots sitting on my couch."

"Faggots are a disgrace to family."

Just to list a few. So the concept of telling my family that I was gay was a no go, I'd much rather get a girl pregnant while in middle school than tell them that I was gay. As I addressed my orientation I chose to do so in secret. But that secret wouldn't last long, I was pulled out of the closet by an aunt and drug right into the church.

Now anyone that knows anything about the black baptist church you know that anywhere outside of the choir, any sign of you being gay is not the thing to be displayed. Once I was pulled out of the closet my youth pastor began a series of lessons on how to pray the gay out of me, and my parents decided to start weekly bible readings, all of the lessons spoke on the abomination that homosexuality is or being obedient to your parent. To top this my senior pastor had just published a book on dl men (of course I won't advertise such a book) and how to point out their behavior and why they are such a disgrace to our society.

Now here I was in high school, attempting pray my gay away, after all, I didn't want to lose my family and be sent to hell to burn for all eternity. So I prayed and prayed, and prayed some more. Made every attempt to be straight, meanwhile I'm being drilled with questions from my parents "Well did someone touch you?" or "Why don't you just get a girlfriend?"

A HA!

Was this going to be the thing that gave me peace? It was worth a shot, so I got a girlfriend (yea I just laughed a little) needless to say that was short lived and so was the peace at home. Mom tried to be encouraging buying me every book she could find on being delivered from this "demon" and giving me cards with all sorts of of scripture and quotes written in them. She was serious y'all! All the while no one asked me how I felt about what I was going through, all they knew was that it was wrong and had to be changed.

Growing impatient with the would be miracle of my deliverance my mother and step father resulted to anger and name calling, which made me go into further hiding with my identity. I guess for the second time i was "dl" again. So I played straight on the surface and was gay in secret. Hey I was in survival mode, I had to make the best with what I had until I at least got to college. OH! COLLEGE! LOL! There was no way that my parents were paying for a gay child to go to college, believe me I know, they told me several times.

I went into grind mode, I had to find every scholarship that I could find so that I could go to college free of my parents' wallets. As college neared it seemed that going to college without my parents' support was a pipe dream. I spiraled into a darker place than I was in before. After failed suicide attempts, teachers who refused to let me fail, and a military recruiter who told me the military wasn't for me, I finally got a scholarship that would supplement the money I received from the state to go to school.

FREEDOM!

But wait how do I end this relationship with my parents? That was the only way that I could be who I am with no grief with them. Well needless to say me coming out again in undergrad didn't fly over well, but what was different now was I had no dependency on them and I had surrounded myself with those that love me for who I was.

Love

Thats the point of it all. We must love our youth and let them know that they are worthy of love and respect just because they breathe. SO OPRAH and others, when you see a DL man, don't just think of who he is today, keep in mind that just like there are experiences that have molded you to be the person you are today, that there are issues within that man that have cause him to be who he is. Not excusing him though, he should deal with his past and heal from it in a healthy manner, but just thought that the full issues should be addressed. Double life style is a symptom of the disease of hate that has been poured into them....JUST MY THOUGHTS!

Get

Get knowledge or get lost
No im not telling you to leave
Im simply telling you to fill ya brain
Fill it or it be barren as if its been diseased

Dont be considered zombie
no not the ones from the movies cause they know they've met their demise
Im speaking of the truly scary type
The ones floating through life thinking they're alive

Get knowledge or get lost my friend
the world's secrets all dwell in books
leaders have you confused and bewildered
knowing you will feel weird cause the buddies told you not to take a look

But see somewhere over the rainbow lies a land of greatness
The road map to this to this oasis is available for all to see
but get knowledge or get lost my friend
This map requires you to read.

Greatness is yours if you choose it
Are you willing to put out what it cost
There are no shortcuts to greatness
So get knowledge or get lost

GET IT?

Natural Selection

This month we have lost 4 (scratch that, its actually 9) young men as a result of gay bashing. When reading their stories I cried and cried and my heart screamed out to these young men. You see most don't know but when I was pulled out the my senior year of high school my life was thrown into a whirlwind. My parents became physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally and even spiritually abusive. My college career, family structure, self worth and stability were threatened. I clearly recall washing dishes hand and arms in the sink of hot water full of knives thinking that surely I deserve to be free from this place and I could end it all with a slit of my wrist. Luckily I failed at suicide and I had two teachers (Dr.Kathy Garland and Dr. Susan Archer) that refuse to see me be fed to the wolves and became permanent fixtures in my progress and stayed on me to ensure I graduated and entered college. Unfortunately not everyone is afforded the benefit of having teachers like I had. Today someone posted to my FB that this is some type of "natural selection" weeding out the weak people. When asked about creating a safe zone in the class room recently a teacher told me that we didn't speak on those type issue here in the south. WELL, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON'T SPEAK ON IT?
Billy Lucas (15) September 9, 2010. Indiana

Cody J. Barker (17) September 13, 2010. Wisconsin

Seth Walsh (13) September 19, 2010. California

Tyler Clementi (18) September 22, 2010. New Jersey

Asher Brown (13) September 23, 2010. Texas

Harrison Chase Brown (15) September, 25 2010. Colorado

Raymond Chase (19) September 29, 2010. Rhode Island

Felix Sacco (17) September 29, 2010. Massachusetts

Caleb Nolt (14) September 30, 2010. Indiana


Lives gone! Stop the bullying!

REST IN LOVE GUYS! I'M FIGHTING HARD TO ENSURE YOUR STRUGGLES WON'T BE IN VAIN

I'm Ready

Just thought I would take the time to share with you all an experience that has given me great joy. Those that follow my writings know that I have an amazing life coach (@MyLifeKeys) by the name of Stephanie Alva (@Stephanie_Alva), well Step never hesitates to tell me that I am destined to do great things and that my story will help the masses. It took me a while to subscribe to the notion that I, the smart, aggressive, critical thinker would be able to nurture the growth of others. Well as I work with Stephanie she makes me take good long hard looks in the mirror, and no not in the "beat em over the head, fix yourself manner" she has helped me develop a love for self that is unshakable.

What does that have to do with nurturing others you might ask?

Well what I've learned is that before you can love anyone else you must love yourself, know yourself and embrace yourself. Once you love yourself it allows you to explore your gifts and talents and allows you to develop those talents and become confident in them.

Stephanie...... #PAUSE

I was greatly privileged to befriend a wonderful guy and author named Travis Scott (@Trav_WORDSMITH) who gave my life a bit of normalcy. You see being a thinking guy I have at times felt different, set aside and misunderstood, but now, now I have Travis. Travis gets "it," understands that life is meant to be explored and enjoyed. Because of this we've developed quite the bond, he calls me his Sweet Pea, I call him my FOY (Fountain of Youth) I won't spill his age but understand that age is why he's been given that name. Any who, during one of our day long convo's FOY me to the Artist Miguel Jontel, love when I tell you I fell in for his music!!!! WHEW! Well two weeks later when FOY tells me to check out Avery Sunshine (@AverySunshine) I don't hesitate to find her music and I fall in again and immediately find her on twitter.

Now let me show you how awesome God is...

As I look over Ms. Sunshine's timeline (oh don't act like you don't do it) I see her tweet about a performance here in town the next day...I of course go crazy and I tweet her, she tweets back asking me if I'm coming to the performance, and you know I was going. So FOY and I make our plans and the next day comes and we're headed downtown, now check this, one site said doors open at 8 and another said her set was due to start around 10. Well FOY and I decide to go and get some food before the show, during FOY and I enjoy amazing convo about everything from religion to politics and during the convo FOY says that he could see me working in a career where im nurturing people's growth (OK so two people that I love and that don't know each other are telling me the same thing) and I of course agreed. We leave the restaurant ready to vibe to this velvet smooth voice! Little did we know that we would lost driving in circles for a good 15-20 minutes and I won't even mention parking downtown on a Friday night.

We arrive...

Walk in and just as if God himself ushered us in we arrive just before Ms. Sunshine takes the mic.

She ministers...
Ms. Sunshine is sanging! No not singing, but making sweet love to the notes and words making sure she caressed each one and wrapped it in love and sent it to each of us personally. She vibes, invited the audience to join her in this vibe and we are swaying, bouncing, shouting heck out right dancing and this AMAZING voice and heart. FOY and I can barely contain ourselves slapping each other on the shoulders and knees... COME ON AVERY SANG! WHHHEEEEW! YES MA'AM! AND THEN... she speaks and God occupies her heart and her mind and she lets us know that we should be living our dreams, operating within our gifts and not just surviving.

Now wait...

I have two friends telling me I need to be helping folk, now this heavenly being is telling me to walk in my gifts... this is becoming surreal I mean someone please play the "Twilight Zone" theme song... this ain't natural. So I thought.

Ms. Avery gets up and I turn to FOY and i say "I just want to hug her."

So we approach...

She smiles thanks us for coming and I say in her ear, I told you I was coming.

She pauses...

"CB-cal? "

YES!!!! Fireworks, not only did this great spirit just minister to my soul she remember our twitter conversation, then she and FOY converse...

"JUSTTAV?"

OMG THIS WOMAN IS AMAZING! I learned in that moment that she doesn't want to just know about her fans she want her spirit and mind to commune with her fans!

My spirit was full! FOY and I could barely make convo on the way home..stuck in awe we rode home.

When I got in last night I called Stephanie and told her what happened and I could here the "I TOLD YOU SO" in her voice lol but I wasn't mad at it, I embraced it. God was speaking and I had to listen. I went into meditation and when I came back to earth I jumped on twitter and twittascope was filling my timeline, I jokingly click the Capricorn link and this is what I read:

"You may be driven to succeed now, but this isn't just about today's transit. Powerful Pluto is a long-term visitor to your sign, yet a square from the illuminating Sun can stir up fears about possibly failing. Instead of falling victim to self-doubt and worry, apply your energy toward being successful while remembering that this isn't an isolated event, but part of a much greater transition."

NOW THAT WAS ENOUGH MAKE ME WELL UP! Now as i sit and I take this in, I have no choice but to say I'M READY! Are you?


Oh and cause I love y'all imma link y'all to Ms. Sunshine, please check her out and support this great woman!

Au revoir mon amour

One should never apologize or feel bad for releasing someone to their better good. The truth is in this love game you will only win once and that is till death do you part. What does that mean? That means there is only one person who has been created for you, and you will have to date a while until you come across them. No your dating will not be in vain, each relationship teaches you lessons about yourself and shows you what things you will and will not tolerate. Basically life is fine tuning your frequency so that you and the one you're meant to be with can be on the same note and flow into each other's life.

Let life do it's job.

In my dating past I've found myself dating a rainbow of guys, some highly educated, some not, some with power careers and others working in retail. I dated those with beautiful personalities and some of the most physically appealing guys you would want to see. In each failed relationship there was one common denominator.....


ME!


I determined that with each guy even in their differences they were overall the same, just in a different suit, that suit was one of lacking, lacking in common value. Value is extremely important, you see certain issues are inevitable in relationships, to mitigate damage sharing common values is extremely important. Sharing values will make approaching life's issues a lot easier because you live life on one accord.


Values....

When thinking on values one has to get past the physical things like looks, job, education, money... you know lifestyle entities... are those things important? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't even think I would lead you to believe anything otherwise, but for a moment come with me if you will... You have your man or woman and they have all of the lifestyle items you say you like and you're head over heels, ready to put on a ring, well what happens when they cheat? When they lie about where they where and what they were doing and doing it with? Oh now you're saying "(S)He's not the man/woman I married!" But sweets I'm here to tell you, (s)he is exactly the man/woman you married you just never took the time to learn his/her mind. You were so focused on dating his/her resume that you lost touch with who the man/woman was. Take time to figure out what it is that you value and and when you start dating be sure that if you decide to go further with this person that they share your values. More importantly before you start dating be sure the YOU live up to those values, stop wanting a lover who will give you the world when you wouldn't share even your thoughts with them.

Take time to get to know you...

If a relationship doesn't work out the absolute worse thing you can do is let you ex rob you of the desire to love again. Once you have gone on in life, release your past, learn from it and let it go. Thank the heavens for the experiences and ask that they not be in vain and move forward in life. Would you buy damaged good from the store? No? Well why would you expect your next mate to want a bitter, scarred heart?

GAME PLAN:

Know what you want, be what you want, learn from and release your past, and get back in the game!

Oh and always remember... Communicate in all things and in all things communicate, after all, it is the language of adults!

Be ready to tell your lover, as Corinne Bailey Rae says it, "The blackest lily, the blackest pony, won't protect my heart from you."

Question

who dictates what's acceptable amongst Christians when speaking on things that go against the teachings of the bible?

After a session with the great Stephanie Alva this question came to mind. Society and religion have created homosexuality into a mega sin it seems, which I find very amusing. People tend to not want to embrace homosexuals because it goes against their teachings, some don't even want them in their homes as if somehow their home will catch the gay. Think for a moment though, would you not allow a Buddhist or a Muslim in your home? Do they not lead lives that go against the teachings of the Bible? Would you think twice before going to lunch with them? Would you end your friendship if you found out they practice a religion that they felt was the true religion? Why is it okay then for them to be in your company comfortably? Would you try to pray Islam out of them? Is it okay because they worship a god even though it isn't yours? Might want to check your ten commandments. Just thoughts, thoughts is all!

iStand

I tend to find it pleasing
That you love to count me out
That you can't get
The greatness that life is bringing about
That you don't comprehend how i push forward
With no worry or doubt
iStand

You see i no longer take for granted
That i was given legs to rise
Wings to fly
A heart that beats so strong I met you face to face
Though you would love to see my demise
iStand

Since I don't look outward for validation
Don't need no comfort from civilization
I am love I give love I breath love
Cause Im made from love the father of all creation
iStand

Choosing purpose over pain
greatness over mundane
Understand that if I don't make the first step
Things will always be the same
iStand

is it is or is it ain't

I love you
I hate you
I hate that I love you
I would love nothing more than to be able to hate you
I LOVE YOU
Does one ever stop loving someone?
Is love infinite with a definite direction?
Can one that hurts your heart beyond measure still be deserving of your love?
Is there any type of love that isn't pure?
If not aren't terms like true love or pure love redundant?
I LOVE YOU
Can love heal anything?
Is love like an emotional super fruit for the soul?
Can someone love you and still absentmindedly cause you pain?
Can one be logical with love?
Does love make sense?
What is love?
I LOVE YOU
Can one love you without first loving themselves?
If one stays in a "bad" situation with love being an excuse actually love themselves?
Can you truly love the next without taking a break after loving the ex?
If you have pure hate in your heart can you truly love anyone or anything?
I LOVE YOU, or do I?
Wait is it okay to question love?
Hmm not sure but I do know that loving you is giving you the complete ability to destroy me and trusting you not to do it. I hate that i can't see the future and know whether or not this investment is a good one. But then this would no longer require trust then huh? Its a gamble, a card game...lets hope we have hands full of hearts, no spades.
LOVE

Super Hero

Recently I was afforded the opportunity to get an honest point of view from two people who I have a high level of respect for. If you have ever experienced this from someone who truly loves and respects you unconditionally then you understand the wonderful experience it can be. Well one of the people my younger bro explained to me that he had a great deal of respect for me and my strength, the other my mentor and life coach brought to my attention my disconnect between myself and the concept of deserving love.

Self…………………………………………Strength……………………………………………………deserving love

The thought that one can be disconnected from feeling worthy of love seems so unnatural yet is so common place in our society. You think of all the times someone tells someone they aren’t worthy, that they will never do anything or be anything in life, think of anytime you’ve seen someone’s accomplishments brushed off or laughed off. Each time this happens and message is sent to the soul that you aren’t worthy, that you aren’t good enough, essentially that you aren’t deserving of love.

After a period of listening to this one becomes conditioned to believe that they and love are not meant to occupy the same space. Look at it like this, take a child raised by vegetarian parents, while it might not seem to most kids to be presented a meal where no meat was involved, but to the child who has been conditioned to not consume meat it seems perfectly natural.

....it seems perfectly natural

Natural, a thought that seems universal but... I subscribe to the concept of it being relative to experience. I for one find it natural to push love away, after a childhood of hatred being thrown like daggers and not wanting to feel that pain again I tend to push people away so that they don't have the opportunity to to cause that type of pain. You see I didn't trust people and their "love" as a real because the love that was supposed to be "natural" wasn't a love that i wanted to experience.

Push...

To protect myself i would push people and things away. When issues came up I would dive head first into myself and work, not really giving time or opportunity to process any emotions that came attached to the issue,no, my mindset was to fix it and move on. So to the outside world it appeared to be strength, but all the while it was actually denial, denial that I was supposed to be human and feel things, I pretended to be super human and attempted to move forward not noting that each unresolved issues carried with them a ball and chain holding me back.

Ironically true strength didn't show it's face until I decided to detach the ball and chain and deal with what was at hand. Stay tuned as I train and develop my Super Hero strength.

Too be continued...

Why are you apologizing?

Have you ever noticed that we (the gays) are apologizing for simply being? Don't understand? Let me explain, you meet someone that is heterosexual and you somehow or another find yourself letting that person know that you're gay. Why do we do this? Personally I believe we do this to give the person the opportunity to either embrace us or let us know that they aren't pleased in out lifestyle. Of course we do this because we have been conditioned to believe that society, especially males, are not too comfortable with accepting our community. We typically feel more comfortable around females in that they more times than not cling to us, thrilled at the chance of gaining a personal stylist, beautician, make-up artist, interior decorator or overall hang out buddy that isn't trying push up on them in a sexual manner.

Now why do I write any of this?

Well today while speaking with my life coaches from My Life Keys,Stephanie Alva and Tavaghn Monts I was speaking on a lot of the issues that I face as a homosexual and after the conversation my thought process went along the lines of "I wonder how comfortable Tavaghn was while I was speaking..." then it hit me, as I'm learning about energies and what you put out is what you receive I noted that we assume that the person we met is judging us and all the while we're judging not letting them show us that they don't subscribe to the ignorant small minded notions of society. Basically we have to believe that we are worthy enough to be ourselves around all people without being judged.

Know that you are good enough, as you are, today! I am an amazing spirit that all walks of life enjoy being around. Be sure to check out My Life Keys at www.mylifekeys.com