Recently I was afforded the opportunity to get an honest point of view from two people who I have a high level of respect for. If you have ever experienced this from someone who truly loves and respects you unconditionally then you understand the wonderful experience it can be. Well one of the people my younger bro explained to me that he had a great deal of respect for me and my strength, the other my mentor and life coach brought to my attention my disconnect between myself and the concept of deserving love.
Self…………………………………………Strength……………………………………………………deserving love
The thought that one can be disconnected from feeling worthy of love seems so unnatural yet is so common place in our society. You think of all the times someone tells someone they aren’t worthy, that they will never do anything or be anything in life, think of anytime you’ve seen someone’s accomplishments brushed off or laughed off. Each time this happens and message is sent to the soul that you aren’t worthy, that you aren’t good enough, essentially that you aren’t deserving of love.
After a period of listening to this one becomes conditioned to believe that they and love are not meant to occupy the same space. Look at it like this, take a child raised by vegetarian parents, while it might not seem to most kids to be presented a meal where no meat was involved, but to the child who has been conditioned to not consume meat it seems perfectly natural.
....it seems perfectly natural
Natural, a thought that seems universal but... I subscribe to the concept of it being relative to experience. I for one find it natural to push love away, after a childhood of hatred being thrown like daggers and not wanting to feel that pain again I tend to push people away so that they don't have the opportunity to to cause that type of pain. You see I didn't trust people and their "love" as a real because the love that was supposed to be "natural" wasn't a love that i wanted to experience.
Push...
To protect myself i would push people and things away. When issues came up I would dive head first into myself and work, not really giving time or opportunity to process any emotions that came attached to the issue,no, my mindset was to fix it and move on. So to the outside world it appeared to be strength, but all the while it was actually denial, denial that I was supposed to be human and feel things, I pretended to be super human and attempted to move forward not noting that each unresolved issues carried with them a ball and chain holding me back.
Ironically true strength didn't show it's face until I decided to detach the ball and chain and deal with what was at hand. Stay tuned as I train and develop my Super Hero strength.
Too be continued...
