My last break up was one that was surprising and foreseeable all at the same time. What i mean by that is simply that all the red flags were there but some how i thought love would get us through! Needless to say it just wasn't enough!When my ex told me at the beginning of our relationship that he had a bad attitude i laughed it off thinking that no one could have a "tude" that out did mine, when he threw his temper tantrums with family and friends because he didn't get his way I ignored them, after all it was geared towards me, and it was in that mistake that our relationship began to end.
Our relationships like all had their issues, and when the bothered me i addressed them and we worked through them for the most part, but the issue we didn't help each other grow. See i should have still brought to my ex's attention the weakness that he displayed in his tantrum even if they weren't done to or around me, by helping him grow i would have in turn helped us grow. Now don't get me wrong i don't at all blame myself for the things that he did but rather am owning my part in the actions leading to our split. You see while i didn't throw the tantrums i did indeed make him comfortable throwing them, that is until he pointed that anger arrow my way.
What i learned through experiencing my ex is that people with extreme anger issues are victims of life, nothing is there fault and simply because something isn't going the way they want it to go the world around them must pay and due to the lack of self control they lash out in different ways ( verbally in the case of my ex, no he never put his hands on me or anyone that i know of). Until a victim understand that they are the captain of their ship and can indeed become a victor there is little to no chance of getting through to them.
Once i understood this i took it upon myself to choose happiness, no longer would i sit angry or cry or have my friends be the crutch to my pity party with my unhappiness being the theme, YES YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE HAPPINESS AND CREATE IT, IT WILL NOT JUST COME TO YOU!
I then had to formulate my exit plan, it would be a fantasy to think that this would be an easy ordeal to just walk away from, i had to learn for myself that i was and am worthy of happiness and that that happiness will be mine with or with out him. So from there i laid out my demands, we can; 1. fix our problems through better communication skills, 2. become friends where we can still grow and respect one another or 3. cut out losses and move ahead in life. He asked me if i wanted to just end this, and I in my thinking manner understood that this is just what he would want, for me to end things with no input from him so he could again spaz out because the world (well me in this case) was again out to get him. I in turn told him that i didn't get in this relationship alone so i wasn't going to end it alone. He of course accused me of leaving him for another man, not understanding that this was about no one but me!
Time went on and at this point we were barely communicating through text message, well i ended up catching him in a lie and we were discussing it and his anger of being caught caused him to spaz out again and at that point my answer was clear as to where our relationship would be in the future and that is in the imagination of anyone who wants it to exist.
Now that im I'm in a healthy relationship I understand even more now that you cant find happiness in anyone else, you create it within yourself and then you can share it with others!
LOL forgive my rant just needed to get that out of my head.
