iStand

I tend to find it pleasing
That you love to count me out
That you can't get
The greatness that life is bringing about
That you don't comprehend how i push forward
With no worry or doubt
iStand

You see i no longer take for granted
That i was given legs to rise
Wings to fly
A heart that beats so strong I met you face to face
Though you would love to see my demise
iStand

Since I don't look outward for validation
Don't need no comfort from civilization
I am love I give love I breath love
Cause Im made from love the father of all creation
iStand

Choosing purpose over pain
greatness over mundane
Understand that if I don't make the first step
Things will always be the same
iStand

is it is or is it ain't

I love you
I hate you
I hate that I love you
I would love nothing more than to be able to hate you
I LOVE YOU
Does one ever stop loving someone?
Is love infinite with a definite direction?
Can one that hurts your heart beyond measure still be deserving of your love?
Is there any type of love that isn't pure?
If not aren't terms like true love or pure love redundant?
I LOVE YOU
Can love heal anything?
Is love like an emotional super fruit for the soul?
Can someone love you and still absentmindedly cause you pain?
Can one be logical with love?
Does love make sense?
What is love?
I LOVE YOU
Can one love you without first loving themselves?
If one stays in a "bad" situation with love being an excuse actually love themselves?
Can you truly love the next without taking a break after loving the ex?
If you have pure hate in your heart can you truly love anyone or anything?
I LOVE YOU, or do I?
Wait is it okay to question love?
Hmm not sure but I do know that loving you is giving you the complete ability to destroy me and trusting you not to do it. I hate that i can't see the future and know whether or not this investment is a good one. But then this would no longer require trust then huh? Its a gamble, a card game...lets hope we have hands full of hearts, no spades.
LOVE

Super Hero

Recently I was afforded the opportunity to get an honest point of view from two people who I have a high level of respect for. If you have ever experienced this from someone who truly loves and respects you unconditionally then you understand the wonderful experience it can be. Well one of the people my younger bro explained to me that he had a great deal of respect for me and my strength, the other my mentor and life coach brought to my attention my disconnect between myself and the concept of deserving love.

Self…………………………………………Strength……………………………………………………deserving love

The thought that one can be disconnected from feeling worthy of love seems so unnatural yet is so common place in our society. You think of all the times someone tells someone they aren’t worthy, that they will never do anything or be anything in life, think of anytime you’ve seen someone’s accomplishments brushed off or laughed off. Each time this happens and message is sent to the soul that you aren’t worthy, that you aren’t good enough, essentially that you aren’t deserving of love.

After a period of listening to this one becomes conditioned to believe that they and love are not meant to occupy the same space. Look at it like this, take a child raised by vegetarian parents, while it might not seem to most kids to be presented a meal where no meat was involved, but to the child who has been conditioned to not consume meat it seems perfectly natural.

....it seems perfectly natural

Natural, a thought that seems universal but... I subscribe to the concept of it being relative to experience. I for one find it natural to push love away, after a childhood of hatred being thrown like daggers and not wanting to feel that pain again I tend to push people away so that they don't have the opportunity to to cause that type of pain. You see I didn't trust people and their "love" as a real because the love that was supposed to be "natural" wasn't a love that i wanted to experience.

Push...

To protect myself i would push people and things away. When issues came up I would dive head first into myself and work, not really giving time or opportunity to process any emotions that came attached to the issue,no, my mindset was to fix it and move on. So to the outside world it appeared to be strength, but all the while it was actually denial, denial that I was supposed to be human and feel things, I pretended to be super human and attempted to move forward not noting that each unresolved issues carried with them a ball and chain holding me back.

Ironically true strength didn't show it's face until I decided to detach the ball and chain and deal with what was at hand. Stay tuned as I train and develop my Super Hero strength.

Too be continued...

Why are you apologizing?

Have you ever noticed that we (the gays) are apologizing for simply being? Don't understand? Let me explain, you meet someone that is heterosexual and you somehow or another find yourself letting that person know that you're gay. Why do we do this? Personally I believe we do this to give the person the opportunity to either embrace us or let us know that they aren't pleased in out lifestyle. Of course we do this because we have been conditioned to believe that society, especially males, are not too comfortable with accepting our community. We typically feel more comfortable around females in that they more times than not cling to us, thrilled at the chance of gaining a personal stylist, beautician, make-up artist, interior decorator or overall hang out buddy that isn't trying push up on them in a sexual manner.

Now why do I write any of this?

Well today while speaking with my life coaches from My Life Keys,Stephanie Alva and Tavaghn Monts I was speaking on a lot of the issues that I face as a homosexual and after the conversation my thought process went along the lines of "I wonder how comfortable Tavaghn was while I was speaking..." then it hit me, as I'm learning about energies and what you put out is what you receive I noted that we assume that the person we met is judging us and all the while we're judging not letting them show us that they don't subscribe to the ignorant small minded notions of society. Basically we have to believe that we are worthy enough to be ourselves around all people without being judged.

Know that you are good enough, as you are, today! I am an amazing spirit that all walks of life enjoy being around. Be sure to check out My Life Keys at www.mylifekeys.com

Random thoughts on Vision! Expect a Miracle!

Hello world,
Today I was encouraged to write! This time of year is always a special one, laughter, love giving, what more can you ask for? Well this year is a little different, having lost a loving aunt, relationship not going the way I would have wanted and out growing friends it would be easy for me to slip into the holiday blues, BUT, even still I recognize fully how blessed I am!

It’s amazing how we go through things and we can’t for the life of us figure out what God is doing in our lives until one day you sit and you think, if God would have allowed me to stay in the same position that I was in before where would I be now. SCARY THOUGHT! I love how the Lord will open your eyes to things that have been sitting in front of you the entire time, and that vision is more powerful than you could ever imagine.

**side note** This is something I’m working on more and more each day! People don’t do things out of anger! Nothing you do to cause arm or anguish intentionally or not will ever grow! If it’s not to encourage growth and development in a person why are you wasting your life? There are no refunds on time! Forgive me if I've done this to you.

Ok so yea where was I? Oh yea vision, have you ever noticed that the sun seems a lil bit brighter after it’s been cloudy for a while? I thank the Lord that he's allowed me to see my future and where He's taking me a lil more clearer, and even more I love that he won’t let anyone even ME get in the way for His plan for my life!

I too am grateful for the people I have in my network, like minded people with the common goal to love hard, do right by people and better their future by bettering themselves! A lot of the people that have been escorted out of my life were made to leave because there was no fire in the system! What makes you happy, what gets you up out of bed every day to stay on your grind? How are you being a blessing to someone? Each of my friends is living their lives in a way that encourages me to do better! Not saying they're perfect but they are walking perfectly to an imperfect beat! Love that we can go from talking about what song we like to talking about what going on in the world! Broaden your scope people. Also, chose happiness! Life is for the living, if you don’t find joy in something in ur life u need to go back to the drawing board!

**side note** Joy, joy isn't living in a perfect situation but knowing that despite your situation we know and understand we serve a perfect God who will guide us through the dark and stormy nights! Not the absence of trouble, the recognition that there are better things to think on and be consumed with than your troubles!

Any who, yesterday in church I was reminded to always be expecting your miracle, I think we sometimes will pray for something and we halfway rest on faith! It’s like we have one foot standing on the water and the other still on the boat afraid to step out! We must remember that we serve a God who works in miracles, signs and wonders! This is what He does! How insulted would you be if you were at work and someone didn't trust your ability to do the job you've been hired to do?

Ok I think my tangent is done for the moment lol

Oh one last thing! SPEAK IT! The power over life and death lies in your tongue! Encourage yourself! Don’t depend on man to do it, man will always fail you! And yes God knows your innermost thoughts but sometimes you should speak you thanks!

Peace Prosperity & Passion

Embarking on lonely

The state of being lonely is a strange concept. Mainly in that in most situations its an oxymoron of sorts. Most people are never truly alone physically in life but mentally the loneliness can at times be overwhelming. I woke up this morning with a heavy mind and heart. It seems that i have become a stranger amongst those who are so familiar. I have distanced myself from people with whom i have spent an unimaginable amount of time with. It struck me when my "friend" wrote me a text message asking why i didn't call him on his birthday, no that's not the bad part, the bad part is that once i read the text i did a Kanye West shrug and kept on with my day. Lately I have been growing mentally, spiritually, and withing my career. UGH! i think some my friends are like an old t-shirt, its really is faded and doesn't fit but u just cant throw it away! #packrat! SAD I KNOW! Bitter sweet, im growing and I'm gaining life experience and associates that are motivating to say the least, but unfortunately i now have to cut off those who aren't preparing themselves for any type of future. OH! and to the ones who are trying to block my grind i really suggest you move before you meet the bulldozer that is me!

Music vs Noise

What do we consider true music in this day where music every you could imagine, tv, computer, phone, heck you can even get tunes on you tooth brush lol. In a discussion with a high school classmate we tackled this issue.

I asked him what made him identify with a certain "artist" and he mentioned Gucci Mane and how he raps about his childhood and being raised poor. Now in my mind I see nothing wrong with a person rapping about their past, but, I would rather listen to an artist who makes it their goal to make music to reach an audience with a message or is it to make money or popularity?

Give me a rapper who will rap about how he made it out of the hood over one who raps about how hard he is cause he lived in the hood even though he now lives in the suburbs.

It seems that mainstream music will always be about getting a hit that will make people shake their assess in the club or make lil suburban kids feel like thugs when they ride down the street banging their rap music. Don't get me wrong i enjoy dancing to hot music just like the next but as far as what i will be playing on my ipod, that will be music that makes me think and inspires me to get through the day.

Music isn't music to me unless it serves a purpose and has a message! Kinda like convo, if there is no point to it then Why?

Currently im playing Kid Cuddi's "Man On The Moon: The End of Day"
Current track "Soundtrack 2 my Life"