Who will speak?

As you all know I am working in LGBT activism. This means that I have to live my life in a manner that is transparent. A recent event lead me to step more into my role as a leader. Gay men typically have a really close female friend, some have multiple. During my freshman year of school i had two friends that I was very close to, on that I met there and one that i had known for 6 plus years. One day in my dorm we were watching at an episode of MTV's Made where they featured a gay male wanting to get into sports. While watching the show one of my friends felt comfortable enough to put out an anti-gay sentiment, I remember having this sinking feeling in the middle of my chest. At this point I hadn't "come out" to either of them (though they later told me they knew already). Well even though I wasn't "out" to either of them I found myself yelling at my friend out of pure anger, she of course later figured out why I was so bothered by the things she was saying. Last week I was faced with a similar event as an acquaintance feeling comfortable around me decided that she was going to refer to a more flamboyant male as a "queen." I corrected her and it all at once hit me, I have to do a better job of setting boundaries of what is acceptable behavior around me. Pass that point it showed me the internalized hate that both women and gay men posses. This young lady clearly learned this behavior from another one of her gay associates, gay men referring to more feminine men as a word referring to roles historically allotted to women is nothing new. The problem comes in using them in a derogatory manner, we have adopted the notion that feminine behavior is somehow beneath the behavior of a "man," and in our marginalized community we seek to push each other further away by discriminating against those that display behaviors that are less acceptable by those in mainstream society. I look at it like a pool of water, doesn't matter if you're deep in the end or shallow end, you're still in the water.No matter how well you can dress yourself up to seem more acceptable in mainstream society, the reality is you still dont share in their privileges. Gay men we must stop viewing men who are more feminine than we are a less than us. That is a direct insult to the women in our lives. To the ladies, don't adopt this behavior and find it okay. Adopting the beliefs of our oppressors only solidifies your seat in the margins. The issue I had most with the young lady is that she as a woman through her hateful language was saying out loud that she is less than a man. This behavior was again noted as celebrity Life & Relationship Coach Tony Gaskins tweeted about relationships stating "Ladies, if you feel it's OK for you to ask a man out first..Good luck with that! Not a classy look at all..IMO." Now this is misogyny, true, but what was really bothersome was the number of ladies replying to him, letting him know that their husbands pursued them first and then including the number of years that they have been married. Leading followers to believe that if a man pursues the woman first it leads to a longer relationship. In a more shocking tweet he states, "What many don't understand is that LOVE, & the Principles of Love DON'T change. It's the same in 2011 as 1950. Principles NEVER change.Some peoples Values change, but Principles remain the same." Principles don't change? We need to be very careful who we celebrate and look up to (celebrities), while I have great respect for Mr. Gaskins, this is incident has tainted that respect just a little. After these tweets a lot of my fellow progressive thinkers began to tweet Mr. Gaskins asking him about his tweets, he of course didn't respond to them, he compared himself to Jesus in one of his tweets and as one of my twitter friends(@iamMEchelle) stated, "I guess Tony Gaskins is too 'god like' to reply people who disagree with his opinion of reality." I thank any and everyone that is bold enough to stand up and speak out against language and behavior that is hateful and hurtful to others.

Special love to my girl Ruby Aliyy who sent this to me this morning:

"omg! I had a dream abt u last ngt. I was sitting around w/ a few ppl & having a convo abt y some gay men live straight lives (having a wife & kids & all that) b4 coming out. & some of us sounded real ignorant & u overheard us & started correcting EVERYTHING. & we all felt stupid but u had us captivated. & a crowd formed & it turned n2 a speech & u got a standing ovation afterwards. No lie."

People remember, don't stand by and watch your friends put out hateful and hurtful language. When you stand next to them you're covered in the same bad lighting.


"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Speak No Evil

Today I saw the above picture in my timeline on twitter, and most people were disturbed and out right disgusted by it. I did however receive a response that annoyed me a bit. This is the convo with "@Joski_LOVE" ......

them "see, thats wrong. 1st off thats butter & pecan... not light vs dark. but yeah, I feel your angst. LOL!!"

Me "not laughable at all but yea"

Them "[giggles] "

Me "still dont get the joke"

Them "I was being funny..cuz them heauxs are not models for light/dark they both light.

Me "still not funny, the topic is disgusting and making light out of it (no pun intended) adds to the sad situation of race here"

Them "whatever. things in life are never that damn serious. color will & always be an issue with the black community. period."

Me "I love that people will use the thought that a problem will always be around to support their ignorance.Race issues are ALWAYS serious, and will only remain if people neglect to take them serious instead of laughing at them."

Them "you look real stupid, if you can't laugh or find humor at even the most ignorant of things..."


Sadly its when you're finding entertainment in ignorance that you look completely stupid. Finding humor in this battle of superiority of complexion is ridiculous. This is a hurtful topic that has hindered lives of many, not just in the African American community but around the world. This conversation leads me to believe that people would rather poke fun at something they don't like to make it more tolerable than put in work to make a real change. As a person with a darker skin tone i find nothing amusing at all about this. Lend your voice to something greater than you, even if it doesn't cause change in your life personally remember like Dr. King Jr. said "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." So get in a place where you can be a voice for "liberty and justice for all"... in my heart i see no evil, speak no evil and will hear no evil that i will not speak out against.

Alter-Native Lifestyle

"Words - a speech sound, or series of such sounds, having meaning as a unit of language, the written or printed representation of this" Simply put words are the things we use to describe thoughts, feelings and the intentions behind sharing those thoughts.

The boy has a dark complexion. That boy's complexion is so dark.

Words frame our thoughts.

This in mind the term alternative lifestyle rested in my SUPERconscious this morning. As i lay there my mind repeated the word alternative over and over again in my head until it naturally broke it down into:

Alter and Native.

Alternative Lifestyle, this is the politically correct way to refer to the LGBT community and the way we lead our lives right? Or at least that is what we're taught.

Native

Seems harmless, I mean to honor the first dwellers of America we call them Native Americans instead of the offensive term indians.

But take the term native, meaning natural, unchanged... and alter meaning to change...hmmm

Embracing the term alternative lifestyle would be embracing that who I am is not natural, that I wasn't born this way, that I somehow am corrupt or have made a decision to live my life in a way that goes against the person I was created to be.

We have to be aware to the titles that we take one, more importantly our word choices. Who determines what is natural? How have we the LGBTQA community become so comfortable with the demeaning term Alternative Lifestyle?

The only way i would embrace the term alternative lifestyle is if I one day decided to date women....just saying thats the only alternate to my natural state of being.

Disease not symptoms

Recently Oprah has again taken on the issues of DL men and the reckless behavior that SOMETIMES come along with their lifestyle. Unfortunately while Ms. Winfrey's intentions MAY have been good she failed to report on the entire issue.

Its easy to believe that DL men, in particular DL black men, are insensitive thoughtless men who can't be "men" enough to admit who they really are. But that would be looking at the surface of the issue. You have to question what would make a man be DL, what would make them choose to take a wife and a male lover. A DL man in my opinion is one that knows of his attraction to males but can't embrace it openly or quietly, he feels he must live a heterosexual lifestyle to keep their image acceptable by those around them.

I know you might be thinking well why can't they just embrace who they are the way you have Chadd...

WELL....

I haven't always been comfortable with who I am, being raised in the black community where being gay isnt embraced I drilled with the concept that being gay was disgusting, that it made you less than worthy of love and that the family I loved would have nothing to do with a homosexual family member.

I specifically remember being told things like

"Go play with the boys, you don't want to be a punk."

"I won't have no faggots sitting on my couch."

"Faggots are a disgrace to family."

Just to list a few. So the concept of telling my family that I was gay was a no go, I'd much rather get a girl pregnant while in middle school than tell them that I was gay. As I addressed my orientation I chose to do so in secret. But that secret wouldn't last long, I was pulled out of the closet by an aunt and drug right into the church.

Now anyone that knows anything about the black baptist church you know that anywhere outside of the choir, any sign of you being gay is not the thing to be displayed. Once I was pulled out of the closet my youth pastor began a series of lessons on how to pray the gay out of me, and my parents decided to start weekly bible readings, all of the lessons spoke on the abomination that homosexuality is or being obedient to your parent. To top this my senior pastor had just published a book on dl men (of course I won't advertise such a book) and how to point out their behavior and why they are such a disgrace to our society.

Now here I was in high school, attempting pray my gay away, after all, I didn't want to lose my family and be sent to hell to burn for all eternity. So I prayed and prayed, and prayed some more. Made every attempt to be straight, meanwhile I'm being drilled with questions from my parents "Well did someone touch you?" or "Why don't you just get a girlfriend?"

A HA!

Was this going to be the thing that gave me peace? It was worth a shot, so I got a girlfriend (yea I just laughed a little) needless to say that was short lived and so was the peace at home. Mom tried to be encouraging buying me every book she could find on being delivered from this "demon" and giving me cards with all sorts of of scripture and quotes written in them. She was serious y'all! All the while no one asked me how I felt about what I was going through, all they knew was that it was wrong and had to be changed.

Growing impatient with the would be miracle of my deliverance my mother and step father resulted to anger and name calling, which made me go into further hiding with my identity. I guess for the second time i was "dl" again. So I played straight on the surface and was gay in secret. Hey I was in survival mode, I had to make the best with what I had until I at least got to college. OH! COLLEGE! LOL! There was no way that my parents were paying for a gay child to go to college, believe me I know, they told me several times.

I went into grind mode, I had to find every scholarship that I could find so that I could go to college free of my parents' wallets. As college neared it seemed that going to college without my parents' support was a pipe dream. I spiraled into a darker place than I was in before. After failed suicide attempts, teachers who refused to let me fail, and a military recruiter who told me the military wasn't for me, I finally got a scholarship that would supplement the money I received from the state to go to school.

FREEDOM!

But wait how do I end this relationship with my parents? That was the only way that I could be who I am with no grief with them. Well needless to say me coming out again in undergrad didn't fly over well, but what was different now was I had no dependency on them and I had surrounded myself with those that love me for who I was.

Love

Thats the point of it all. We must love our youth and let them know that they are worthy of love and respect just because they breathe. SO OPRAH and others, when you see a DL man, don't just think of who he is today, keep in mind that just like there are experiences that have molded you to be the person you are today, that there are issues within that man that have cause him to be who he is. Not excusing him though, he should deal with his past and heal from it in a healthy manner, but just thought that the full issues should be addressed. Double life style is a symptom of the disease of hate that has been poured into them....JUST MY THOUGHTS!

Get

Get knowledge or get lost
No im not telling you to leave
Im simply telling you to fill ya brain
Fill it or it be barren as if its been diseased

Dont be considered zombie
no not the ones from the movies cause they know they've met their demise
Im speaking of the truly scary type
The ones floating through life thinking they're alive

Get knowledge or get lost my friend
the world's secrets all dwell in books
leaders have you confused and bewildered
knowing you will feel weird cause the buddies told you not to take a look

But see somewhere over the rainbow lies a land of greatness
The road map to this to this oasis is available for all to see
but get knowledge or get lost my friend
This map requires you to read.

Greatness is yours if you choose it
Are you willing to put out what it cost
There are no shortcuts to greatness
So get knowledge or get lost

GET IT?

Natural Selection

This month we have lost 4 (scratch that, its actually 9) young men as a result of gay bashing. When reading their stories I cried and cried and my heart screamed out to these young men. You see most don't know but when I was pulled out the my senior year of high school my life was thrown into a whirlwind. My parents became physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally and even spiritually abusive. My college career, family structure, self worth and stability were threatened. I clearly recall washing dishes hand and arms in the sink of hot water full of knives thinking that surely I deserve to be free from this place and I could end it all with a slit of my wrist. Luckily I failed at suicide and I had two teachers (Dr.Kathy Garland and Dr. Susan Archer) that refuse to see me be fed to the wolves and became permanent fixtures in my progress and stayed on me to ensure I graduated and entered college. Unfortunately not everyone is afforded the benefit of having teachers like I had. Today someone posted to my FB that this is some type of "natural selection" weeding out the weak people. When asked about creating a safe zone in the class room recently a teacher told me that we didn't speak on those type issue here in the south. WELL, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON'T SPEAK ON IT?
Billy Lucas (15) September 9, 2010. Indiana

Cody J. Barker (17) September 13, 2010. Wisconsin

Seth Walsh (13) September 19, 2010. California

Tyler Clementi (18) September 22, 2010. New Jersey

Asher Brown (13) September 23, 2010. Texas

Harrison Chase Brown (15) September, 25 2010. Colorado

Raymond Chase (19) September 29, 2010. Rhode Island

Felix Sacco (17) September 29, 2010. Massachusetts

Caleb Nolt (14) September 30, 2010. Indiana


Lives gone! Stop the bullying!

REST IN LOVE GUYS! I'M FIGHTING HARD TO ENSURE YOUR STRUGGLES WON'T BE IN VAIN

I'm Ready

Just thought I would take the time to share with you all an experience that has given me great joy. Those that follow my writings know that I have an amazing life coach (@MyLifeKeys) by the name of Stephanie Alva (@Stephanie_Alva), well Step never hesitates to tell me that I am destined to do great things and that my story will help the masses. It took me a while to subscribe to the notion that I, the smart, aggressive, critical thinker would be able to nurture the growth of others. Well as I work with Stephanie she makes me take good long hard looks in the mirror, and no not in the "beat em over the head, fix yourself manner" she has helped me develop a love for self that is unshakable.

What does that have to do with nurturing others you might ask?

Well what I've learned is that before you can love anyone else you must love yourself, know yourself and embrace yourself. Once you love yourself it allows you to explore your gifts and talents and allows you to develop those talents and become confident in them.

Stephanie...... #PAUSE

I was greatly privileged to befriend a wonderful guy and author named Travis Scott (@Trav_WORDSMITH) who gave my life a bit of normalcy. You see being a thinking guy I have at times felt different, set aside and misunderstood, but now, now I have Travis. Travis gets "it," understands that life is meant to be explored and enjoyed. Because of this we've developed quite the bond, he calls me his Sweet Pea, I call him my FOY (Fountain of Youth) I won't spill his age but understand that age is why he's been given that name. Any who, during one of our day long convo's FOY me to the Artist Miguel Jontel, love when I tell you I fell in for his music!!!! WHEW! Well two weeks later when FOY tells me to check out Avery Sunshine (@AverySunshine) I don't hesitate to find her music and I fall in again and immediately find her on twitter.

Now let me show you how awesome God is...

As I look over Ms. Sunshine's timeline (oh don't act like you don't do it) I see her tweet about a performance here in town the next day...I of course go crazy and I tweet her, she tweets back asking me if I'm coming to the performance, and you know I was going. So FOY and I make our plans and the next day comes and we're headed downtown, now check this, one site said doors open at 8 and another said her set was due to start around 10. Well FOY and I decide to go and get some food before the show, during FOY and I enjoy amazing convo about everything from religion to politics and during the convo FOY says that he could see me working in a career where im nurturing people's growth (OK so two people that I love and that don't know each other are telling me the same thing) and I of course agreed. We leave the restaurant ready to vibe to this velvet smooth voice! Little did we know that we would lost driving in circles for a good 15-20 minutes and I won't even mention parking downtown on a Friday night.

We arrive...

Walk in and just as if God himself ushered us in we arrive just before Ms. Sunshine takes the mic.

She ministers...
Ms. Sunshine is sanging! No not singing, but making sweet love to the notes and words making sure she caressed each one and wrapped it in love and sent it to each of us personally. She vibes, invited the audience to join her in this vibe and we are swaying, bouncing, shouting heck out right dancing and this AMAZING voice and heart. FOY and I can barely contain ourselves slapping each other on the shoulders and knees... COME ON AVERY SANG! WHHHEEEEW! YES MA'AM! AND THEN... she speaks and God occupies her heart and her mind and she lets us know that we should be living our dreams, operating within our gifts and not just surviving.

Now wait...

I have two friends telling me I need to be helping folk, now this heavenly being is telling me to walk in my gifts... this is becoming surreal I mean someone please play the "Twilight Zone" theme song... this ain't natural. So I thought.

Ms. Avery gets up and I turn to FOY and i say "I just want to hug her."

So we approach...

She smiles thanks us for coming and I say in her ear, I told you I was coming.

She pauses...

"CB-cal? "

YES!!!! Fireworks, not only did this great spirit just minister to my soul she remember our twitter conversation, then she and FOY converse...

"JUSTTAV?"

OMG THIS WOMAN IS AMAZING! I learned in that moment that she doesn't want to just know about her fans she want her spirit and mind to commune with her fans!

My spirit was full! FOY and I could barely make convo on the way home..stuck in awe we rode home.

When I got in last night I called Stephanie and told her what happened and I could here the "I TOLD YOU SO" in her voice lol but I wasn't mad at it, I embraced it. God was speaking and I had to listen. I went into meditation and when I came back to earth I jumped on twitter and twittascope was filling my timeline, I jokingly click the Capricorn link and this is what I read:

"You may be driven to succeed now, but this isn't just about today's transit. Powerful Pluto is a long-term visitor to your sign, yet a square from the illuminating Sun can stir up fears about possibly failing. Instead of falling victim to self-doubt and worry, apply your energy toward being successful while remembering that this isn't an isolated event, but part of a much greater transition."

NOW THAT WAS ENOUGH MAKE ME WELL UP! Now as i sit and I take this in, I have no choice but to say I'M READY! Are you?


Oh and cause I love y'all imma link y'all to Ms. Sunshine, please check her out and support this great woman!